Loneliness

Lonely is the heart

Sickening the pain

Is it all my Fault

I really dont know

To feel lonely in a crowd

is so cliche

Comforting my self with reruns

Lethargy sets in

Forcing myself to move

is such a chore

I was told to live

even if she's not here

I was told to thrive

Even if im not there

I was told to grow up

I never will

I wanted to cry

tear ducts are not working

Too many macho moments

have built up a wall

I miss her....

Seasons greetings

Merry Christmas to everyone!!!

Even to the ones that don't celebrate Christmas!!!

Blogger

Me?  a Blogger? Doesnt really fit since im usually a sponge. spouting off what i hear as mine. well, that's fine for me.

Read whats written on top after the title.

Failure and Faith

How should i start this? never mind.

It looks like I've driven her away now. She is really upset and up until now will not contact me no matter how i beg. She did talk to me though but that's after i called her directly. I could hear the change in her voice as soon as she realized who it was on the line. All the things i wanted to say at that point just slipped away.

"Just wanted to know that you're ok. That you are really there." I said.

"ok." she answered.

Then it was goodbye. That was really quick. What brought this on? A lot of things apparently but what brought it to a head was me joking about the wrong thing.

I've failed her and the people around me. A lot of times. Especially my parents. That has built up through the months and I'm now reaping the benefits. All because i wanted to get to the bottom of things without me needing to figure it out.

WHY? Why must i figure it out all the time when you can tell me out right? Why can't it be that simple where you tell me what you want? What's obvious to you isn't obvious to me. So just say what you mean. of course all thats too late now

I lost her faith a long time ago apparently and she has been suffering my presence ever since. every time we're together something turns out to be a test. Which i fail spectacularly every time. Why the need to test me? So that i can succeed? Bullshit!

I think the fact the you broke up with me means that you've accepted the fact that i wont change. And i wont try anymore. why should i ? you tell me that i should change for myself. if it was for myself i dont need to change! I'm ok as i am right now. and yes i will change in the future just not the way you want me to. no one really stays the same every time.

maturity? I am not mature and i AM proud of that. I am what i am. This is me. deal with it or not as you see fit.

The really funny thing is that I really want her to stay. To be with me forever. But i want that to happen with the current me and not some imagined or projected me. Sadly, I'm not good enough. Now she wants to move on? I will move on during my own time. The more you push the more I'll dig in. Childish? didnt you read the previous paragraph? I am not mature. If you're looking for a mature person then look elsewhere.

Any of you can probably refute the things i said above. go ahead. refute to your hearts content. I'll even agree with you if you're really right. That doesn't mean I'll do it though.

This is turning out to be a rant so I'll stop right here.

Book Blockade

At this point i am now aware of this. It is called the book blockade. It's not really a blockade. What it is is someones attempt at being funny. This is what it means:

Normally, imports of books aren't taxed. There are a few cases but for the most part they do not tax the importation of books. Some genius in the government suddenly had an epiphany and decided to impose a tax on the books. According to that person or persons, they have interpreted the law in such a manner that every one before them were idiots and failed to see that it is only the raw materials for book publishing that are exempt from taxes. These people now have the gall to say that they are just implementing the law and we should move along and take it up with the judicial body. Well, in one sense it is correct. NOW, we have to do that. But then again it was they who started it in the first place. Oh well.. moving along. Now i wait breathlessly and try not to get bored to see the circus that is our government try to move along its greased tracks with square wheels.

i also read somewhere that customs officials were for the taxation of the books. he goes and says that they would get shipments of books worth thousands of dollars and they would just have to let it go through because of the exemption. he also says that the book sellers are moved by profit and they should now be hit by taxes because of their greed or something. Well MR. Customs official. I say to you that you are a moron, a stupid %$*#% moron. There is a reason for the exemption. The reason is so that they WILL bring in loads of books for the Filipino readers. So what if its because of their greed. we were counting on that so that's why we imposed those exemptions in the first place.

Another one said that this is good for Philippine books because their sales would increase.. Another stupid %*&(*#$ idiot. If i wanted to read Philippine books i would buy them.
actually, i do. but that's just me. We thrive on choice. if there werent a lot of the books that i wanted to read on the market then i would certainly download them instead. why would i spend money on something i dont like/want?. i have read our authors which is why i have a few favorites but you cant force me to read someone i dont want to.

Thank you again for the utter stupidity of people. Oh well, time to support the pirated community by downloading and printing books off of the internet. its probably the closest i can get to untaxed books while this thing is still going on. So thats it. Download your content now. if you don't know what im talking about then dont bother. we need a few virgins...